Both the outside and the inside of the restaurant is a bright yellow that can’t help but to cheer you up. When I got to Fatty’s, there was a large family and a police woman in line in front of me (I know that the food would probably be good if one of San Antonio’s finest was picking up lunch for the station). While I guessed that it would take some time to get everyone’s orders filled, the staff seemed to move like molasses at Christmas time (and in a South Texas type of December, but a cold Minnesota December…). I decided to go ahead and wait it out because I was interested in finally seeing what their burger tasted like.

I ordered the 4 oz “Batter Up” bacon cheeseburger (there is a sports theme for all their burgers) and added on a small side of beer battered onion rings along with a water. I couldn’t believe it but they actually charged me a quarter for my water (who does this!) so my whole meal set me back around $8, a little pricey for lunch without a drink.

I took my number and grabbed a seat and waited… and waited… and waited… If you are in a hurry, I would not advise you to visit Fatty’s unless you call your order in. However, while I was waiting, I did notice that they had a pot of pinto beans that were for the dine in customers to enjoy.

Before I found the pinto beans I felt like a little kid waiting in anticipation for Christmas morning, after discovering them time just melted away. They were incredible. There was just the right amount of spice that lingers on your lips and causes them to tingle.  I had to have seconds (and trust me, I had the time to enjoy them); if the pinto beans were any indication of what was to come then I knew the wait was worth it.

If you can make it through the wait, the burger and onion rings will not disappoint. Remember to get some of the complementary pinto beans!

I finally got the meal and was not disappointed. The burger was greasy, juicy, and flavored with house seasoning. The bacon was crispy and the bun was nice and toasted and smothered with mayo. I absolutely loved the onion rings as well; they were kind of sweet and piping hot.

Sometimes good things come to those who wait; check your sense of time at the door, bring your book (or maybe two), and enjoy your Fatty Burger and onion rings.

Value: 7/10 (about $8 for a burger and side at lunch; get dinged because they charge you a quarter for water!)
Atmosphere: 9/10 (a very nice burger joint type of atmosphere)
Service: 8/10 (slow service and nice, but nothing to write home about; I did notice that they seem to interact with their locals pretty well)
Taste: 9/10 (my, now that’s a tasty burger; the complementary pinto beans are exceptional!)
Website: http://www.fattysburgers.com/
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Big Bob's Burgers is right by Ft. Sam off of Rittiman and Harry Wurzbach.

Now, make no bones about it, this is a burger joint through and through.  If you are a person that expects a Red Robin type of atmosphere, then don’t bother showing up.  This joint is a dive (as all good burger places should be) and as you know, I love this type of atmosphere: low ceilings, shirts and ephemera on the walls, cold beer, and, of course, Big Bob himself.

You can get a lunch special for about $7.50 (with tax) that includes a cheeseburger, fries, and a drink.  Not too shabby for a lunch plate and you won’t be disappointed with the quantity of food you get.  I found the fries to be some of the best in the city.  They were crispy, hot, and well seasoned.  Also, Big Bob’s Burgers will give you a side of Ranch to dip those fries in without nickle and diming you for it.  The fries are alone worth the price of admission.

I ordered my burger with everything on it along with mustard and mayo; you can choose between three types of cheese and I opted for American.  Now, I don’t know if it was a mistake or if it is included as part of “everything” but somehow I got bacon on that burger.  I would double check with your server to see if bacon comes as a default, and if not, go ahead and throw it on the burger!  It’s crispy (like bacon should be instead of that limp stuff at fast food restaurants) and adds a nice bit of grease/gristle to the burger.

I think that the bacon is important because Big Bob’s hamburger is not all that greasy.  I know people have their preferences, and while I tend to favor greasy burgers, I was happy with the flavor of the Big Bob hamburger patty.  You could tell there was some seasoning on it that I am sure is a house secret.

Looking at those delicious fries makes me hungry right now!

Finally, I would be remiss not to talk about the service.  Initially, Big Bob was not behind the register (my friend told me that he typically is there to talk with everyone), but the girl working there was very nice and friendly.  I later saw Big Bob show up and sit down at a table with an older gentlemen.  The older man brought out a bag with fries and a burger which they proceeded to half and share.  I thought that this was strange until I realized what was going on — they were doing competitive research to help fine tune their own product.  To me, that is awesome that Big Bob is staying abreast of his competitors and constantly trying to improve his product.

As my buddy and I were leaving, Big Bob asked if we liked the food and if everything was all right.  Now, I know that a lot of GMs/owners do this at restaurants, but it felt different coming from him; you could tell that he was keenly interested in what we thought, and I guarantee you that if we had a problem he would have immediately found a way to remedy it.  That level of service and interest in his customers is enough to keep me coming back.  The fries are just the icing on the cake.

Value: 8.5/10 (You are looking at $7.50 for a complete lunch; you will notice that my perspective on value is beginning to change as the expectation of a “five dollar lunch” is fast changing – I need to write an article about this soon…)
Atmosphere: 10/10 (complete dive and I love it; you know it is a good spot where you see a lot of our men and women in uniform stopping by for lunch as well)
Service: 10/10 (super nice service and I really value how the owner takes not only a keen interest in his customers, but also a huge interest in his product to the point that he is conducting competitor analysis/research)
Taste: 8.5/10 (the burger is nice, but what really steals the show are the fries!)
Website: http://bigbobsburgers.com/

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Anyone expecting something similar to Munich’s Hofbrauhaus would be remiss, the inside is more like a hunting lodge on a Texas Ranch.  I have to admit, given the name I was expecting something more German (there is not really any German food on the menu), but the owners really went all out with the atmosphere and put a lot of work into it.  There are a lot of bucks and other wildlife mounted on the walls and a huge stone fireplace that ties the restaurant together and gives it a nice feel.

The server started out by placing a basket of bread with butter that had fruit and nuts in it.  I have to admit, the taste was a little foreign at first, but it really grew on me.  However, if you don’t like it, just be sure to ask your waiter for a side of plain butter.

I was in the mood for a hamburger and ordered the Pepper Jack Bacon Melt.  The burger comes with pepper jack cheese, honey chipotle bacon, jalapeños, and a jalapeño cheddar bun.  When I got the burger, I was immediately impressed, and one bite sold me on the fact that this is one of the best burgers in San Antonio.  The bun was sweet and had a nice soft texture and those fried jalapeños provided a good kick while providing a crunchiness that I really liked.  This all mixed well with the thick slabs of bacon that were cooked perfectly for a burger, not too crispy and not too soggy.

Sorry the picture is a little dark, but don't worry, the burger was really tasty.

Equally good was the fries; they were thick cut and you could tell they were fresh.  Yes, $10 might be a little much for a burger, but I tell you what, this burger is worth it!

Finally, while I didn’t get to try one (I had ordered a Shiner), I want to mention something that looked interesting.  They serve these huge schooners of margaritas with an upside down beer in them.  I saw this as I was finishing up my meal and had to ask my waiter about it.  I forgot the name (just ask your server), but he assured me that they were awesome and the best kind are made with Dos Equis Amber.  He said they are quite potent, something like being equivalent to 3-4 drinks, so if you get one make sure your group has a Designated Driver!  Needless to say, I am DEFINITELY getting one the next time out there.

Hopefully the Quarry Hofbrau and Beer Garden will overturn the curse of that building, but be sure to do your part and get out there and snag one of the best burgers in town!

Value: 8.5/10 (a little on the expensive side, but worth the price)
Atmosphere: 10/10 (awesome Texas Ranch lodge kind of feel)
Service: 9/10 (extremely friendly, helpful at explaining the menu, and quick)
Taste: 9.5/10 ( they try to do something different with the bread and butter before the meal that is a little funky and initially it was strange but grew on me; if you don’t like the butter with fruit and nuts ask for a plain version of it to make sure you get off on the right step; the hamburger just busted out with flavor, from the meat, bacon, and jalapeños on it; really solid!)
Website: http://quarryhofbrau.com/
Facebook: Quarry Hofbrau and Beer Garden on Facebook
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Their theme is that they are kind of like a place to experiment with burgers.  I thought that this would fit my personality a lot because of the ways that I experiment with my burgers at Order Up.  When I got there, I was a little disappointed to find that they don’t provide that level of experimentation.  I decided to order the Stehling Experiment which is a hamburger with beans, Fritos, cheddar cheese, and homemade pico de gallo.  I also heard great things about their tempura battered fries, so I got some sweet potato fries and my friends got some standard fries.

The fries were good; in fact, I would say that the fries are worth trying this place alone.  I have never had tempura battered fries, but the batter gives them a pretty good crunch without being very greasy at all.  I will say that you are better off ordering the regular fries as they are far superior to the sweet potato fries (the regular ones are denser and have a nice salty flavor).

The tempura battered fries were awesome, the burger left something to be desired.

The hamburger left something to be desired.  The bun was kind of dried out and had a funky taste to it (I don’t know if this was due to the funky dark sesame seeds or not) and the patty was also dried out.  The beans could have used some salt, and the pico de gallo wasn’t that spicy at all.  The burger was not an experiment that went wrong, but more like one that just didn’t live up to its expectations.

Value: 7/10 ($10 for burger and fries (sans drink) is pretty expensive; I will note that their website does show a burger, fries, and ice tea for $6.95 so they appear to be more reasonable now.)
Atmosphere: 9.0/10 (Kudos to a fun laboratory atmosphere complete with a TV showing old Sci-Fi movies and even a geocache hidden somewhere in the restaurant)
Service: 9/10 (Good service and fairly prompt.)
Taste: 7/10 (The tempura battered fries really raise the rating from what it probably should be; the burger is average at best.)
Website: www.bunsenburgers.com
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So Broadway 50/50 opened a new location at the Colonnade off of Wurzbach and I-10 and a group of us from work decided to go visit it.  As we were entering the restaurant, we encountered a pair of coworkers, one of whom was a guy named Will.  I asked Will, “So is the food any good?”  Will responded, “I would love to tell you but I really don’t know; we sat at our table for 15 minutes without getting any service so we got up and walked out.”

Now this is kind of funny, because if you have ever met Will, you will know that this is a man that is not easily overlooked.  He is a pretty tall individual who is built like a rugby player; in fact, his stagename in some of our Rock, Paper, Scissors tournament is El Gigante.  We should have just listened to the man and not gone in, but we were stubborn and decided to give it a try.  Let’s just say that Will was a harbinger of what was to come…

We ended up sitting down and waited like 15 minutes before anyone talked to us.  Doing a little math, this would have amounted to like 30 minutes that the staff ignored this table.  When someone finally did talk to us (I think it was the manager), he asked if we had been helped.  When we said “No,” he left and it took another 5 minutes to actually get our waitress.

We all realized that there are two types of people, the quick and the hungry, and we vowed to place our order as soon as the waitress asked us for our drink order.  We did so and had to wait another lengthy amount of time to finally get our drinks and later our food.

Now, I am all about giving food a fair shake; some of the best food that you can get comes with the slowest service.  But by and large, it is service that engages and talks with you (we haven’t even got this at the Broadway 50/50).

I ended up getting the Pulled Pork sandwich. Yes, I know, I know, I know.  I have vowed that I would not order pulled pork outside the state of Tennessee ever again (I ordered pulled pork in a previous post).  However, having lived a summer in Memphis, I have quite the inclination for pulled pork and just the thought of the possibility of getting a pulled pork sandwich that could be on the same level as Memphis is always enticing.  Quite frankly, can you blame me when the menu even states that, “We put a little homemade coleslaw on the sandwich just like they do in Memphis.”  This one line suckered me in…

The waitress dropped off the plates, said the obligatory, “Can I get you anything else?” but scurried off before hearing a reply.  Yes, as a matter of fact, I did want a side of ranch dressing.  I finally caught her and asked for it, but never ended up getting my side of ranch dressing.  This normally would not be a problem, however, while the waitress forgot to bring out the ranch she was able to remember to charge me for it — I paid $0.50 for my phantom ranch dressing.

Note to Self: When you aren't in Tennessee, do not order pulled pork.

As you can probably tell by using your context clues, I was disappointed in the meal.  Again, I probably shouldn’t have ordered it in the first place as it is probably impossible to meet my expectations.  It definitely wasn’t bad, but after all the bad service that we had received, it was not good.  The other thing that stunk was that the lunch with a tip (yes, I still gave a tip) ended up being $12.50.  I don’t know about you but that is pretty sorry considering it is mediocre food and terrible service.  For that price, I would rather go build an insane Order Up burger and have $5 left over…

Finally, I would like to say that while the service was terrible, I don’t particularly blame any of the waiters.  They are just in a situation where they are destined to fail so no matter what they do, they are not going to succeed.  There were not enough waiters for the amount of tables and they all seemed a little green.  Granted, I shouldn’t have been charged for something I wasn’t given, but most anyone starts to make mistakes when they get flustered.  If I were them, I would definitely look for a new job.

Hopefully you heed Will and my advice and don’t bother setting foot in this restaurant.

Value: 3/10 ($12.50 with tip for lousy service and a mediocre meal)
Atmosphere: 7/10 (pretty neat atmosphere with TVs and bar games)
Service: 1.5/10 (pathetic)
Taste: 5.5/10 (mediocre at best)
Website: www.five0five0.com
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If you go in between now and that time and ask for “The Epic” you will get the burger that was listed in this post; they accidentally left out that sun dried tomatoes, but you still get a pretty awesome burger!

I look forward to creating another monstrosity in the near future, so stay tuned!

Here is there announcement:

Gear Up for the Big Game!

With football season in full force, it’s time to get your game faces on and get pumped up Orderup style.

Stop by and get a 50% Discount on any of the following game day favorites.*

Sausage Pizza – created and loved by David, Orderup customer.
Fresh tomato sauce, mozzarella cheese, Italian sausage, black olives, and sliced onions.

Steak Nachos – created and loved by Kim, Orderup Server.
Hand-cut chips, cheddar cheese, beans, grilled jalapenos, and grilled steak.

The Epic Burger – created and loved by Garrett, Orderup customer.
Hand-pressed patty, guacamole, bacon, Jack cheese, grilled Serranos, grilled onions, and garlic.

Orderup proudly supports the San Antonio Arts Community by offering live local music every Thursday, Friday and Saturday night. To find out who’s playing, view our Listenup schedule.

Orderup
Hand-crafted, authentic pizzas, tacos and burgers made to order from fresh ingredients.

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*Mention this e-mail to receive the discount. Offer good one time only. Price includes only toppings listed in this e-mail. Valid at all three locations: Lincoln Heights, Colonnade and Stone Ridge. Offer good through 11/15/09.

The Kong Burger (the namesake of the restaurant) was billed at a full pound of beef; I wasn’t exactly all that hungry, so I opted for the smaller half pound burger and dressed it up with cheese, bacon, and avocado.  I think that the burger had a base price of $3.99 and each of the items that I added were $0.70/item.

When I picked up my burger, I was shocked by how heavy the little bag was; I knew in spite of being the ½ Kong that this burger wasn’t going to be playing around.  First off, let me talk about the bun.  I have never had a bun quite like this one as it was incredibly dense and the bottom was toasted to perfection.  Similar to Biff Buzby’s, the bun was sweet, but it was so thick it could have been a standalone meal all by itself!  By saying the bottom was toasted, doesn’t really do it justice as it was more kind of a fried because it was pretty crispy.  You will just have to order it because it is a beast unto its own!

That bun is a thing of beauty...

The bacon was a nice add-on and they got it right where it was crispy but still had a nice amount of grease.  The avocado was more of a guacamole that was spread on the bottom and had a great flavor.  In fact, I would advise getting these two add-ons along with the cheese.

The burger itself had a nice flavor and was seasoned right.  Instead of spreading the ½ pound of meat in a big patty, it was more concentrated and was pretty thick.  Napkins were definitely in order because it had a little bit of grease to it.  Overall, all the ingredients worked well in concert with each other nicely and the burger just had an amazing taste to it!

I was with one of my friends who participated in burger week a few months ago, and we both agreed that had we ventured to Kong’s Burgers and Wings that this burger would have been given the top prize.  In fact, this has to be the best burger that I have had in the city of San Antonio (maybe the world!)!

Value: 9/10 (you can get a ½ pound burger for like $4)
Atmosphere: 5/10 (there’s not really atmosphere; you sit on a picnic bench!)
Service: 9/10 (the lady at the window is incredibly nice and friendly)
Taste: 10/10 (NOW THAT’S A TASTY BURGER; the best one I have found in SA, maybe even the world; go just to experience the bun)

(Google Maps does not have them listed just yet, but if you go to the below location, you should see the restaurant across Walzem from the old Windsor Park Mall)
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Located in Five Points (the place in San Antonio where five streets come together), is the Cove and they fit the bill for everything mentioned above.  Recently hailed by Texas Monthly as having one of the best burgers in the state, I had to go check them out.

I went on a Friday night, and let me just say that the place was absolutely jumpin’!  The restaurant is separated into three unique areas: (1) the place where you order (you can see through to the people at the Laundromat), (2) a bar area where you can eat and listen to live music, and (3) an outside area with a playground that made my inner 7 year old jealous!  The line was pretty long and you have to wait in it a while before getting to order your food; it winds inside this little room where you finally get to order your food.  That and the fact that your soda refills are also in that little room would be my only knock on the place.

After getting finally getting to order, I opted for the SOB Burger which has Grilled Ham, Avacado, Jack Cheese, and Spicy Mustard.  I didn’t know if they replaced the burger with the grilled ham, or if they just added it on top, but in either case, I asked them to hold that off my hamburger.  I got a side of organic sweet potato fries for a buck more.  While waiting in line, I saw this organic soda fountain that made their sodas with real imperial sugar instead of corn syrup.  I knew that I absolutely had to try this out, so I got a cup and filled it up with the Black Cherry soda.  I highly recommend this as it was the perfect drink to quench your thirst after a hot summer day.

We went to find a place to sit, but the bar area was absolutely bumpin’ it (read: it was packed!)!  There was absolutely no place for us to sit, so while some band was covering Bob Dylan’s “Positively 4th Street,” we made our way outside to the picnic tables.  You could still hear the band and it was a nice area to sit and talk.

The burger was pretty good, the avocado and spicy mustard blended together to make a really good sauce.  While it wasn’t all that greasy, it did have a nice taste to it.  But what really stole the show were the sweet potato fries!  I really really really love sweet potato fries and they are always a treat when you can find some good ones!  Normally, I like them with a brown sugar type sauce, but they had a different sauce that complimented them nicely.  I also had to fight my way through the line to get another refill of my Black Cherry soda

Lastly, I would like to talk about the randomness of people who were there: you had young people, old people, middle aged people, and little kids; there were straight laced folks and the new rockabilly crowd that were tatted up; there were healthy eaters and those just looking for a good burger; the one commonality was that people were there for a good time and most were sitting side by side.  The Cove is almost like a little utopia of humanity.

This is a great venue for food and fun; next time your car has “Wash Me” written on it, grab some quarters for the car wash and an appetite for some good food.

Value: 7/10 (the organic stuff gets a little expensive, but $12 (sans beer) for dinner is not outrageous)
Atmosphere: 10/10 (if you go outside and see the playground, you’ll wish you were a kid again (don’t worry there are some ping pong tables for the big kids); if you stay inside your ear will be treated to some good tunes; and how can you knock a place where you see people doing laundry as you order?)
Service: 9/10 (I think that the service was spectacular, however, I think that they need to get their whole ordering process ironed out – expect to wait in line for a while instead of ordering at your table)
Taste: 8.5/10 (burgers were good but not slap your mama, the sweet potato fries and imperial sugar fountain drinks really brought it through)
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